I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
