i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize