took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
