I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
