Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So much Jack, so little girl.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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