somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
