did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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