Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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