Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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