The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
