alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
