I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
