Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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