I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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