he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You made out with two different species that night
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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