If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
