i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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