turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
