Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
