What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
sarcasm needs its own font
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
