wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
