My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
