apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
