What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
it glows. i had to have it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
