there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
