what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
