That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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