i'm signing you up for texting rehab
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
