He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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