I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
