dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
