he told me I talked like a deaf person
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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