where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize