Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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