mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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