Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
