she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
