Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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