Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
