you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
