Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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