Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
