got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
