So drunk its hurt
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
