So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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