We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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