I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
