i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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