dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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