just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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