Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
They have beer where we have blood.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
