You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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