in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
