I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
