So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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