I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
