help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
