Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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