Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
