So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
