Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
