this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
