my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
