Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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