Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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