im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
