i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
