we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
