What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
